Saturday, July 22, 2006

Tispaquin Asks ... Ch. 1

Head reattached after 334 years, Tispaquin writes:

A brief tour of your ... "internet thing" ... this a.m. seems to show a lot of people in USA think solution to all problems is to bomb all other countries who don't agree with USA and to label as "wimps and traitors" all countries who don't like USA bombing all other countries who don't agree with USA. Does USA have enough bombs to bomb everyone they want to bomb and, if necessary, everyone who doesn't think USA should bomb all the people USA wants to bomb? Sounds like a lot of bombs.

Universal Translator Response

Dear Tispaquin,

It is a lot of bombs. USA has lots of bombs. But most are of such a scary type, called nuclear, that we can't really use them, so they sit around and rust. Some USA people are so mad about all these expensive scary bombs just sitting around rusting and not killing people that they want to use them just so they won't go to waste. In your 1600s time this would be like you saying you can kill someone because you're way bigger than them and so they should give you all their venison or you'll kill them. And then you kill them. This is the origin of the phrase "nuke 'em" which you may hear if you turn on a talk radio station from Boston, followed by an advertisement for Giant Glass, 1-800-54-GIANT. Giant Glass is not a giant made of glass.

Sincerely Yours,

Universal Translator

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