Stopping Torture: A Tortuous Task

Dear Universal Translator,

The mosquitoes have dropped off a lot at the Wading Place with the coming of August moon. They're still pretty thick with all this rain. To keep my head reattachment area from getting swollen and infected with bites, I've spent some time inside the long house reviewing your internet thing and have a question. USA says it went to desert place, Iraq, to stop insane Sachem there from killing and torturing his own people, Iraqi people. Pictures on internet show USA warriors took over evil prison where Hussein tortured Iraqi people, USA then released the Iraqi people from the prison, then caught different Iraqi people and brought them to same prison and tortured them. I'm so confused I can't even think of the question I wanted to ask. Perhaps it was about deer flies.

Tispaquin

Universal Translator Responds

Dear Tispaquin,

Do not feel confused by your confusion. It is a natural part of the new interface developing between your reattached head and its surroundings. As the head leaves, the body writhes. As the body breathes, the head revives. Try repeating this mantra during your daily post-op neck twisting therapy. To your question. the Insane Sachem of Iraq, Hussein, tortured Iraqi people to make them confess they were bad and to tell Hussein where to find other bad Iraqi people. In sharp contrast, the USA only tortures Iraqi people to make them confess they are bad and to tell USA where to find other bad Iraqi people. Your pre-head-detachment experiences with the goodmen of Plymouth may be of assistance in gleaning this critical, but oft-misunderstood distinction.

Yours as your Reattached Head pitches and yaws (a good thing),

Universal Translator